Keep Calm and Don't Blink
by xXNaidaXx
Summary: The BTT gets bored, and with the help of Estonia, they decide to use a England's own culture against him in the ultimate prank. Warnings: various references used, no actual spoilers except for one line from 10's regeneration. One-shot.


**A/N: Whovians, this is your warning. I was describing this to my my friend and she was terrified without even reading it. If this doesn't scare you then congrats!**

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The Bad Touch Trio was about to pull of their most elaborate prank ever. Actually that was a lie; there was a larger scale joke that involved the strategic theft of a certain person's vodka and planting it on a certain American rival. Luckily for their arses, they were smart enough to never actually pull it off.

No, this prank was more elegant, less crude, and less likely to get the living daylights beaten out of them. But first they needed help.

"So you want to recruit me to help you in your war on Britain?"

Estonia's voice cackled threw the trio's ear buds. "Everyone ready?"

"Oui, are you recording?"

The Computer savvy Estonian clicked a few keys before confirming. "We are now."

France smiled. ""this will make excellent blackmail."

"Si amigos."

"Everyone ready, in three, two, one." Estonia's hacker skill exploded over the keyboard. The web codes and binary reflected from the screen onto his glasses. From there it was all like a classic video game to him. Binary numbers on one tab running through programs as he simultaneously typed in C++ code into another operation at break neck speed.

Commence operations... he whispered into his head piece.

The numbers reflected onto his glasses and the dim glow surrounded him.

"All systems go. Began."

Twas another rainy day in London and everyone's favorite Brit sat down on the couch and turned one the telly. Dr. Who was on and there was nothing more important right now than the doctor fighting off alien beings from taking over the world.

David Tennet popped up on screen in front of an orange background. Arthur found it odd. It couldn't be in the middle of the episode, he was never late for Doctor Who. EVER, it was physically impossible for him. There was another thing wrong. This episode was Blink, The doctor was supposed to be having a conversation with Sally Sparrow, but she wasn't in the shot, no one was. If this was a close up of the screen they were watching the camera should have panned out by now but it didn't. It was almost like the doctor was talking to him.

"Yep. That's me"

Pause

"Yes, I do."

Pause

"Yep, and this."

Pause

"Are you going to read out the whole thing?"

Pause

"I'm a time traveler. Or I was. I'm stuck in 1969."

His companion Martha stepped into the shot and continued the one sided conversation. This was starting to get creepy.

The radio crackled to life. Then the microwave with the plate turning. All the electronics in the house whizzed to life in that one second: the television upstairs, his phone, his computer. Anything with a screen had the Doctor's face on it all simultaneously repeating his message.

"People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff."

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL! RUSSIA! IS THIS YOUR DOING!" He shouted. But no one was there. Then the lights started flickering before all of the electricity went out. He was completely in the dark. His heart rate's BPM dramatically increased.

_Calm down England. You'll be fine. You were a pirate once weren't you? You can deal with a little darkness. Remember what good' ole Churchill said, Keep calm, and carry on. It's just a fuse._

The lights came back on and Arthur let out a sigh of relief. The telephone rang.

Once, then twice, the three times, then four…

Hesitantly he picked it up.

"Hello?"

A little boy's voice came from the other end.

"Are you my mummy?"

Arthur jumped back and dropped the phone. The lights went out again and the lightning outside did little to help the mood.

"Muuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmyyyyyyy"

The TV started again.

"Lonely assassins, they were called. No-one knows where they came from. They're as old as the universe, or very nearly. They've survived this long as they have the most perfect defense system ever evolved. They are quantum-locked. They don't exist when being observed. The moment they're seen by any other living creature they freeze into rock. No choice. It's a fact of their biology. In the sight of any living thing, they literally turn to stone. And you can't kill a stone. Course, a stone can't kill you either. But then you turn your head away, then you blink, and oh, yes it can!"

"Mummy?"

The flashes of light illuminated the walls. On one of them, black writing revealed itself on the wall.

BEWARE

THE WEEPING ANGEL

OH AND DUCK! REALLY DUCK! ARTHUR KIRKLAND

DUCK, NOW

LOVE FROM THE DOCTOR

Immediately England hit the deck, just as the thunder sounded outdoors. There was a knock on the door. From the silhouette he could make out a small child wearing a gas mask.

_Calm down Arthur. This can't be actually happening._

The image on the television changed. Now the doctor was in the library in the main circle.

"I'm sorry. But you've got two shadows."

Arthur flinched. His heart beat was in his ears and his lungs shifted into overtime.

_Count the shadows._

The lights went out again. Everything went dead this time. Reaching into his pocket he slowly pulled out his sonic screw driver flashlight.

"Ha ha America jokes up. Good job now come on and take a bow. "

Nothing happened.

The recorded buzzing of his screwdriver and the blue light calmed him somewhat.

_Not every shadow but any shadow._

From somewhere there came a sound, a low, rustling sound, like that of the Vassa Nervada.

The TV crackled back to life in one of those terrifying movie Montague scenarios that happen right before the pretty dumb blonde girl gets killed in horror flicks.

"Who turned out the lights? Who turned out the lights? Don't blink. Muuuummmy? Blink and your dead. Who turned out the lights? Lonely assassins. Are you my Mummy? You can't kill a stone.

Suddenly it all stopped. The scene in screen now was 10th's regeneration. Where David Tennet delivered the sadist line of the season.

"But, I don't want to go." His head turned unexpected to the screen. Arthur didn't remember this part.

"But you should Mr. Kirkland."

Now it is amazingly difficult to scream in a gentlemanly manner, but somehow Arthur Kirkland pulled it off. He nearly swung the door from the hinges and was about to run outside but a dark clocked figure came flying towards him.

"Dementor!" He yelled. Quickly he got out his wand/sonic screwdriver. He non-verbally issued his patronus from his wand. A silvery unicorn flew out the tip and threw the being. But unlike a dementor it did not disappear.

"Wait a minute. IS THIS FISHING WIRE!" Arthur grabbed said wire and pulled down hard. An unsuspecting Spaniard fell off of the roof and ran for his life.

"HE'S ON TO US AMIGOS!RUN!"

Two other figures soon joined him in dodging bright colors of light and ran to the safety of their white van.

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**A/N: Hope you can sleep after this! **

**This prank is actually possible to execute maybe not with a TV but a computer. If you figure out how and do this prank please PM or in the reviews tell me what happened! **


End file.
